A Window Into My Mind

Hi, I'm Kristen. 20.


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You told me that you want to know everything about me, because the more you learn about me, the more you fall in love with me.

That’s definitely the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.

Wednesday, July 9

I never post on here enough anymore, but I should.

So I’m going to start a project.

Posting my favorite parts of each day. Little things and big things. Just things to look back on and smile about.

Writing a Thought Catalog piece.

I’m hoping my writing is good enough to get published.

I’m writing on advice to girls who think they’re the only ones to not yet have found love. So basically, how I went for almost twenty years of my life thinking I was the only one to have never been on a date, never been kissed, thinking my standards were too high, etc. And then how one guy changed that and all of my perspectives on the idea of love in general. It’s coming along pretty well I think. I’ll give you guys the opening. BAsically I’m just going to expand on the list, like explain the things in depth. I would love feedback :) :) 

Advice for Girls Who Think They’ll Never Find Love

Love – a word I always scoffed at through high school and the beginning of college. I was focused on school, not falling for some stupid boy and getting my heart broken. But then one day, one boy came along and changed all of that.

This is for all of the girls out there who were like me. The ones who were constantly third-wheeling, watching their friends date guy after guy, and waiting for that one special person to change their world. The ones who considered so many times settling for someone mediocre because they thought maybe they had set their standards too high.

I’m here to tell you that your standards are not too high and you should never settle. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with “dating around” – I guess. I played the “wait for that guy who when you look at him, you just know” card, and seven months into our relationship, I know I played it correctly. I advise you all to do the same. Don’t fret now. Your first love will come. I promise. But until then, if you want to know what it feels like when it does? Here’s what I can offer you.

1)    It’s both everything you expect and nothing you expect.

2)    He may not be special at first, but he’ll mean the world to you soon enough.

3)    You’ll gain a best friend.

4)    Laugh at everything, be angry about nothing.

5)    Talk, talk, talk, talk.

6)    Love actually is a two-way street.

7)    There will be awkward times.

8)    It’s about self-love and self-acceptance, too.

9)    Live your life.

10)  You’ll never feel like you know anything about love, but you’ll know when it feels right. 

On another note…this weekend.

It’s been a long long time since I’ve been as excited for a weekend as I am for this one.

I only had to work two days this week. Which was perfect. Honestly, I like work, a lot. But getting off will be kind of cool. Especially because of my plans.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. A day of packing, driving home, and just enjoying some solitude. Hanging out with my parents.

Thursday? ABout the same. Until after dinner.

Cause after dinner? First of all, Garrett comes around seven. And I cannot wait. I saw him a week and a half ago, but it feels like it’s been forever. I’m already getting butterflies thinking about that moment when he pulls up my driveway, gets out of his car, and just pulls me in tight.

I get to see two of my high school friends on Thursday night. I haven’t hung out with them in forever. Both guys who I grew close to senior year. Both guys who weren’t like the rest of my high school friends, but were definitely more towards the top of the social spectrum. But both guys who respected me for me, and saw past my nerdiness and really liked to be around me. And seeing them again, well, Im excited. Especially for the fact that I get to introduce them to the boyf, because I KNOW they’ll all get along.

Friday is going to be spectacular. Waking up early to surprise my Grammy. My grammy is probably my favorite person in the world, and I love her more than anything. I cherish every single moment i spend with her, and I can’t imagine life without her. As of now, she hasn’t gotten to spend nearly enough time with my other favorite person. So the morning will be grammy-garrett bonding, and I’m so excited for that.

Afternoon? World Cup time! Bethlehem SteelStacks is showing all the games on huge screens, so we’re catching both the noon and 4 pm games there.

And after that, double date with one of my best friends from home and her boyfriend, who I have yet to meet. However, we’re already decided that our boys will be best friends, so that’s going to be greeeatttt :D

Then, fireworks with the four of us and a third couple, my other best friend from home and her boyfriend. Followed by the six of us returning to my place for sparklers, drinks, swimming, and smores.

Saturday brings even more fun, cause it’s family time! But not just any family, but dad’s whole amazing family. See, my personality is like my dad…and his personality is like his entire family. So getting the clan together is always amazing. Plus I’m excited to kinda be like, oh hey, this is garrett, he’s kind of amazing, and yeah, we’ll babysit your kids. There are like 10 kids in that family, and I love them all. And Garrett loves kids, so being around them with him? ugh. heart. melting. guys and kids is an automatic “omg I love you” moment for me.

Saturday night, I’m returning to Jersey to his house with some other people, and then Sunday? Warped Tour! I’ve been wanting to go for years but it’s never worked out, so I’m PSYCHED to go this year. Especially cause it’ll be with him, one of my home besties, her boyfriend, and even cooler? I get to meet one of Garrett’s home friends who I’ve been dying to meet for months now. They’ve been friends for ages, and she’s apparently always like, “I NEED TO MEET KRISTEN” but it hasn’t worked out to this point. So yeah. Super psyched for that. :)

Just…yeah. This weekend…It’s going to be insaaane, but an absolutely amazing type of insane that I cannot wait for. <3

sk-eptical:

uglygirlsclub:

don’t date anyone who isn’t proud of you

This is really important

(via imove-slowandsteady)

I’ve been reading too much Thought Catalog.

I wish I wasn’t obsessed, but I am.

And it messes with your emotions more than you think. My advice? Never open the website. Because everything is so eloquently written. You’ll read one article and no matter how ridiculous it is, you’ll start believing everything it’s saying.

One article will tell you to not believe in love. You’ll find yourself looking at your amazing relationship and questioning every part of it.

One article will tell you that love is amazing. You’ll look at the same relationship and feel butterflies.

In the end, you can’t define your relationship based on what you read online. Because only you know how you feel. For a while, I thought that I could make myself believe that I had the “best” relationship ever if it matched the “how you  know you have a fantastic relationship” article.

Yeah…some parts matched those articles. But who’s even writing them? People who know the “standards” of love? 

Not every love is the same. It’s all different. Only you know what’s good for you. Only you know how that person makes you feel. Only you know if you’re in it for the long haul. 

And the fact that I kept going back to Thought Catalog? It made me realize something I never would’ve thought it would have made me realize.

I’m still scared.

Garrett and I have been together for almost seven months now. We’ve ironed out the kinks, we’ve learned a lot about each other. We’re content. We’re happy. At least… I know I’m happy. I know I love him. In my heart, I know I love him with everything I have and everything I am. 

But the fact is this - I’m still scared. I’m scared of being in love. Being vulnerable. I’m scared that one day, it won’t feel like this anymore, and I won’t get those same butterflies when I look at him.

I’m scared of myself. And that’s the scariest thing there is.

I’m scared of hurting him, because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t even put into words what he means to me. How much he’s bettered me, and how much I smile whenever I see his name on my phone or a picture of him. I’m smiling right now writing about it.

But I’m scared of losing that. I’m scared that I’m going to throw it away out of fear, because that’s what I do. I push things away when they’re too good, because I don’t think I deserve something so great. What have I really done to have someone so amazing and truly incredible in my life?

The answer is what I’m still trying to figure out.

It all boils down to self-acceptance and self-love. I’ve gotten the first part down. Now I need to perfect the second.

I just hope that I can do that before I convince myself that I’m not good enough for the best thing I’ve ever had. 

Because throwing this away would be cheating myself out of love. And I know that it would be the biggest mistake ever.

I can’t imagine not having him in my life. Not having him to text, not having his smile, not having him wrap me up in his arms and not having him kiss me when I wake up in the morning.

And the worst thought? Having him do those things with another girl. The luckiest girl in the world. Just because I was too stupid to realize what I had when I had it, and I threw it all away.

I hope I never lose sight of how much he means to me, and I hope I always appreciate that smile, that laugh, and that sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me. 

And I hope I never lose that feeling of just knowing that he loves me, because I’ve never known and I don’t think I ever will know a better feeling than that.

My boyfriend is just…. Such a quality guy.