Junior year, already.

As I’m packing up for college yet again, I can’t help but to realize exactly how old we’re getting. I’m twenty. That’s crazy to me. I know it’s still young. But I’m in my twenties. That has a very strange ring to it.

I remember being a tiny little girl, and playing school with my aunt, who was a second grade teacher. I remember thinking that I’d never get to second grade, because second graders were just so old.

I remember creating my user name in first grade, that had my graduation year and my last name. 12, it said. 2012 would never come, I thought. 

The next thing I know, I was graduating high school. Going to New Student Orientation at Delaware, and not knowing a single person going there with me.

And now I’m halfway through college. Halfway through engineering. Two years from the real world. That’s scary, but so exciting. 

But hey, one thing at a time, why don’t we? One semester at a time. 

I’m hoping junior year of college won’t be similar to junior year of high school - the worst year. Because junior year of college…I have a life plan, I have a solid group of friends, I have an amazing guy by my side, and I’m incredibly involved.

I can’t wait to get back to school. To walk down the Green to class, and smell that fall air. 

Saturday football games surrounded by my friends, with the crisp air, blue and gold, excitement, and marching band playing in the background.

To go to class, learn more things, use my brain, and feel like I’m bettering myself.

Weekends with my friends. Getting drunk and wandering campus aimlessly, laughing about how much we love our lives. Parties in the towers, and having all my favorite people just a short walk away.

Actually having to care about what I look like. Wearing nice clothing, worrying about personal appearance. I always get lazy with that over the summer, but I’ve promised myself that this year, it’s time to impress.

Those all nighters, where we know we have work to do, but our egos get the best of us, and instead of doing work, we see exactly how long we can stay awake for no reason whatsoever. The weirdest form of bonding, but the purest, because at 4 AM, you get to know people better than you thought you ever could.

Getting back into being incredibly involved, Being overworked, but knowing it’s worth it. Because as I’m planning events, being a TA, working crew for HTAC, and doing WHATEVER else I get myself involved in, it’ll all be worth it when I take a moment, look around, and realize I accomplished something that other people are benefiting from.

Having you living just a few streets away, instead of an entire state away. Being able to see you for just five minutes here and five minutes there, instead of waiting weeks. Hanging out at your apartment and staying over and waking up next to you. Attending parties and events together. We’ll both be super busy this semester, but I know we’ll always make time for each other, and I’m so excited for that.

But once again, as always, my favorite part of going back to school is regaining my independence. Making decisions for myself, and going wherever I want, whenever I want to. Not having to ask to borrow the car and tell my parents every detail of my life, but just being able to walk outside and go see whoever. It’s so freeing, and I miss that. 

Only two days left. Junior year, let’s go. I have confidence that it might be the best year yet.

Dis guy <3
I’m not gonna get all sappy here cause I try not to let that be my style but…this was last Saturday, and it ranks in the top 10 of best nights of my life for sure.
It was his mom’s 50th birthday party, but it was a lot more symbolic than that. You know that feeling when someone introduces you to people like they absolutely need to know you because you’re important, and it’s the best feeling ever? I think that happened about 80 times last weekend. The first time I’ve met his extended family, and every single time I met another member, it was like he was saying, “she’s special, get to know her.” And that’s a feeling I’ll never get over.

Dis guy <3

I’m not gonna get all sappy here cause I try not to let that be my style but…this was last Saturday, and it ranks in the top 10 of best nights of my life for sure.

It was his mom’s 50th birthday party, but it was a lot more symbolic than that. You know that feeling when someone introduces you to people like they absolutely need to know you because you’re important, and it’s the best feeling ever? I think that happened about 80 times last weekend. The first time I’ve met his extended family, and every single time I met another member, it was like he was saying, “she’s special, get to know her.” And that’s a feeling I’ll never get over.

The truth is, life is fragile.

You never know for sure what’s going to happen.

I change my mind a lot. I always have done that. One month I’m positive about what I want, and the next I look back and decide I was being immature and dumb.

This is why it perplexes me when people think they know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.

It goes for everything. Jobs, relationships, everything. How do you know now what you want with the next eighty years?

For me? I still have no idea what career I want. When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher. For a really long time. Then I realized I’m SO bad at explaining things. So I settled on mechanical engineering, only to realize I didn’t like it. And now I’m in environmental engineering, simply cause I like math, science, and the outdoors. Who knows what I actually want to do with my degree? What even is engineering? 

And if I still don’t know that, you expect me to know what my heart wants?

I look around and I see people my age getting married and having kids. And I know that the number of people I know like that will just increase ten-fold in the next couple years. 

I’m still that teenage girl, the one who’s trying to figure her heart out. Who’s still interpreting texts, learning what a relationship is, and trying to balance her first one. Yeah, I guess I went an unconventional way when it comes to relationships. Learn about how NOT to date by watching my friends, and shielding myself until the right guy came along.

And now I’m really happy, and my boyfriend is amazing. Everything I’ve always wanted. 

But when people I know talk about marriage? It’s a foreign concept. 

And when those people are my 17 and 18 year old friends? I can’t quite believe my ears. 
Love is love, I guess. I’m not doubting their relationships just because they’re young. 

I just can never quite understand when people think they know exactly how their life will go when they’re so young. How they plan it out - the perfect wedding, that little house in the suburbs, and exactly how many kids they’ll have - with the person they’re with now.

I’m not saying I don’t have faith in my relationship. I’m not saying that I can’t see any future here. Because the truth is, I can. And that scares the shit out of me. But that’s just the little bit of hopeless romantic inside of me and inside of everyone. The smile you can’t help when you see the guy you love dealing with kids, because who knows? Those could be your kids some day. The times you have to snap yourself back into reality because you find yourself imagining that house in the suburbs, and that life together. I’m not going to say that these things don’t happen occasionally, because i think they happen to anyone in love. Anyone who can’t imagine spending the rest of their lives without the person beside them who can make every day better isn’t truly in love in the first place.

But at the same side, you can’t be that naive one. You can’t plan your life out, because you never know what the future holds. Sure, go ahead, hold onto a little piece of hope that this will work out. I do. But people change, and situations change, and you have to be prepared to change with them. Don’t ever let yourself get thrown off the track because your life didn’t go exactly as planned. Life has twists and turns for a reason. Everything that happens to us makes us more knowledgeable, for better or worse.

It’s A Two-Way Relationship, Don’t Make it a Public Forum

A Thought Catalog piece maybe? Opinions plz. :)

Love – it was a word I always scoffed at through high school and the beginning of college. I’ve always been one for independence. It probably stems from the only child thing. So boyfriends? Not a thing.

It was fall semester of last year, my sophomore year, nineteen years old. Never really dated (unless we count a month of a kind-of-relationship-thing in high school and a few other “dates” here and there) and never been kissed. Honestly, it wasn’t even at the forefront of my mind. I had spent years and years watching my friends go through boy drama – dating assholes, being broken up with, and knowing that there was really no point to their relationships. I was the friend who always offered the “love is pointless” advice when needed. “Yes, dump him, he’s not worth the trouble,” was my line, along with, “Forget about him.” I had given up on love before I even had a chance to give it a chance.

Now, I’ve been dating the most fantastic guy for the past eight months, and I couldn’t be happier.

It’s taught me something I would have never believed when I was younger. No matter how much you tell your friends about your relationship, there’s a part of it that you can never convey to someone who isn’t experiencing it themselves. You can see couples in public. As friends, you probably have the PDA couple, the couple who fights 24/7, and the couple who act like they aren’t even dating. But you’ll never know what goes on behind closed doors in that relationship. That happy couple could actually be fighting constantly, and that couple who barely talks could have the best communication.

The truth is, love is so much more complicated than anyone on the outside could imagine. Before I wrote this article, I wrote an entire one that was basically a guide to being in love for the first time. The problem is that it’s not that cut and dry. Every relationship is different.

I never respected that until I experienced it for myself. I was the first to judge other people’s relationships. Now I know – it’s only the two people who are in the relationship who need to worry about it.

Love is a two-way street, not an intersection. Don’t worry about what other people say, and don’t get involved where you aren’t wanted.

 

You told me that you want to know everything about me, because the more you learn about me, the more you fall in love with me.

That’s definitely the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.